


Cicaro

by tygers_and_flowers



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Mentioned Penelope Bunce, Oblivious Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Pining, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Bad at Feelings, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Loves Simon Snow, Vampire Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:54:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24411643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tygers_and_flowers/pseuds/tygers_and_flowers
Summary: Alternately titled 5 times Simon said "Baz" and One time Baz said "Simon"Some misc SnowBazGenerally, Baz is in Love with Simon Snow. Cicaro means "darling" in Latin.Some Pining Baz and then some Happy Baz.-- Just when I thought that my life couldn’t get any more miserable I remember that Simon fucking Snow talks in his sleep.Of course, I knew already knew that (Over the years I have memorized pretty much every minute detail about Snow as if living with him weren’t painful enough) but it helps, sometimes, to forget. To pretend my life doesn’t revolve around the one person who I can never have.--
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	1. Sleeping

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter takes place in the fifth year before Simon knows Baz is a vampire. Baz has only recently realized how in love he is with Simon.

Simon Snow talks in his sleep. 

Just when I thought that my life couldn’t get any more miserable I remember that Simon _fucking_ Snow _talks in his sleep._

Of course, I knew already knew that (Over the years I have memorized pretty much every minute detail about Snow as if living with him weren’t painful enough) but it helps, sometimes, to forget. To pretend my life doesn’t revolve around the one person who I can never have.

(Probably there are other people who I can’t have but with everything I deal with on a daily basis I believe I deserve some self-pity once in a while)

I returned to our room after a generally uneventful night of hunting (rats, also a squirrel I caught on the outside our dorm) and I immediately froze.

Snow is mumbling something at me.

(Simon is usually mumbling, it’s one of his ~~cutest~~ worst qualities)

I know that Snow thinks I’m up to _something_ but sneaking into our room at midnight with a flushed face and blood crusted under my nails may just give me away. 

_Does he see me?_

I would think that it’d be too dark for human eyes to register me but...

Simon rolls over and stretches his arm across his bed.

I remember now. 

Simon Snow talks in his sleep.

_Fuck my life._

I walk towards the bathroom to wash the blood from my nails. (My stepmother has drilled into my head that well-kempt hands are important if you want to be respected in society) (Fiona overheard her and came to dinner the next night with garish 2 inch, yellow and black checked nails, likely just to piss Daphne off).

The water turns red as it flows down the sink and I spend a minute savoring the feeling of the warm water before I turn off the faucet. (I’m always so _cold_.) (Snow probably never feels cold, I can feel his heat from across the room, sometimes.)

Simon is still in the other room muttering under his breath, mostly incoherently. 

I hear a few names, _Penelope,_ (Honestly he and Bunce are so hopelessly entangled I’m surprised she hasn’t joined them at the hip magically), _Agatha_ (Of course, he dreams about her, she even looks like a fucking dream with that golden hair of hers). I also hear a few magic words which make me glad, Snow’s wand is safely on his bedside table. He could probably cast explosive spells in his sleep. 

And then it happens. 

I’m walking towards my bed when he says it. 

One word and it’s all I can do not to collapse.

(Sometimes Snow makes me literally weak in the knees.) (Yes, I fully understand how hopeless I am.) 

_'Baz'_

He’s said my name before. Rarely but it happens. 

That’s not what does it. 

It’s his voice when he says it. 

Not loathing, or drenched in fury and disgust. Not being spat at me from across our room or accusatory when I come back to the dorm.

Just simply my name. Said softly, whispered in sleep.

_Baz_

I look over and he’s facing me. His eyelids are shut, and his lips are parted slightly.

(I want to kiss him so badly that I dig my teeth into lips just to distract myself)

(Have some self-control Baz)

I sit on the bed with my head between my knees.

Crowly he’s so pretty, it hurts me every time.


	2. Injured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon goes off, and Baz is near by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place sometime in sixth year. It's not after a specific event mentioned in the books ut basically Simon follows Baz into the woods, and they get chased by something.

My head hurts. 

My head hurts and everything I see is sort of blurry. 

My head hurts and what I can see is two blue eyes, a tuft of bronze curls, and a freckled nose.

_ ‘Snow’,  _ I try to sneer but it comes out as a whisper. I don’t know if he heard me. I don’t even know if I spoke out loud.

He looks panicked and anxious but-- doesn’t he always? 

“Wake up,” he says, not for the first time I realize.

“Baz.. please.”

He is crouching above me and his face is near mine. If I sit up now will that mean he’ll move away? I don’t think I want that.

Is he worried about me? That can’t be right.

Can it?

Simon Snow is staring at me with a concerned look on his face and I am lying at his feet only semi-conscious.

_ What happened? _

This probably should have crossed my mind sooner but seeing as I’m half-conscious and Simon Snow is practically on top of me I can’t quite be blamed for not having my priorities straight. 

(If we’re being honest my priorities may be the straightest thing about me at the moment.)

We were running away from something… That I remember. Something big- and then..

And then Snow went off. 

And I was in the blast radius.

He’s not worried about my well-being, he's worried he’ll have my death on his hands. That won’t fit very well into his hero persona, will it?

I push him away from me right then. 

He looks shocked, I don’t think he’d even realized I was awake. 

“ _ Baz _ ”, he says again, and hearing him say my name makes me sort of dizzy. Often what Simon can’t say with words he is able to get across with the sheer force of emotion behind what he does say. He says my name with a confusing combination of anger, surprise, and… something else I can’t quite read. Gratitude? 

“Yes?” I respond as if I wasn’t just unconscious and injured and he didn’t just think I was dead. 

(Simon could probably save himself a lot of worry by simply learning how to take a pulse)

“Well.. uh... umm... _ Baz _ ..”

“ Yes?” I repeat, more impatiently this time.

“Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?”

“Snow you’d have to do a lot more than that to hurt me,” I say, going for nonchalant but probably sounding a bit scared. 

Because it’s not true. If Simon hadn’t known I was there I would probably be burnt to a crisp right now. 

“Yes, well. Okay...But...”

“Snow. I’m fine. I’m great.”

“Good.”

I push myself into more of a sitting position and raise an eyebrow at him.

“Good?”

“Well... It’s just. If you were hurt... “

He trails off. 

Snow finishing a sentence is about as rare as him _ not _ finishing his breakfast. 

I don’t think that he really knew where he was going anyway. 

He shakes his head and offers me an obligatory hand to help me up. 

I ignore it and push up, back onto my feet. 

“Well.” 

I turn around and stride back toward where I think the school must be. I’m assuming we are in the woods, that's where Snow had followed me to in the first place. 

I can still feel his gaze on the back of my head and it’s making me nervous. If I were facing him right now I don’t know if I could stop myself from rushing over there.

( I’d put my arms around him and ask-  _ Are you alright, Snow? Are you hurt? Is everything okay? _ )

As it is I almost trip over a tree root.

“Are you coming, Snow?” 

“Yes,” he responds and hurries to catch up 

“I’m right behind you.” 

My head hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and thoughts are always appreciated.


	3. In Class

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz insults Simon in class and the reaction is more than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I desperately hope that this chapter makes sense. I've reread like 8 times at this so I don't know if it only makes sense in my head or not? Also so so sorry for the long wait, as you all know June was a crazy month.
> 
> It takes place right before winter break in their sixth year.

Simon Snow is a truly awful magician.

This probably sounds some feeble attempt to bury my feelings but it is very _very_ true.

In fact (and I’d rather stand the middle of a blazing campfire then tell anyone this) but it is one of the things that I love about him. 

As twisted as it sounds I kind of enjoy knowing that with everything that Snow has on me (things he doesn’t-- and with any luck-- will never know about) I am still better at this one beautiful thing.

Of course, he is still much more powerful then I am but today it won’t do him any good. 

It is just my luck that of all the days I have to partner with Snow it would be on the day we’re practicing moderation.

(Neither of us is very good at that, come to think of it… He can blow up dragons and I fell in madly love with the first boy I spent more than a week with.)

Teachers normally don’t try and put us together but Miss. Possilbelf couldn’t care less about our mixed relationship.

We both grumble as I (kind of) reluctantly move my desk towards Snow’s, I believe I do a good job of feigning resentment. Maybe a little too good as Snow is already glaring at me by the time I get over to where he is sitting at the front of the class.

Everyone else should be beginning practice but I can feel eyes on us, although I don’t know if they’re expecting an explosion or a brawl. 

“Snow” I greet him.

He ducks his head in acknowledgment of me and I smirk at Dev over his head. Let at least one person think this class will be worse for Snow than it will for me. It’ll make me feel slightly better.

Snow’s textbook is open to the wrong page and when I reach over to correct it he flinches like I’m going to throw it at him.

Probably I should. 

“You first” I instruct.

Simon opens his mouth as if to argue but closes it again, although I can’t tell if he thought better of it or if he just couldn’t choke up the words.

Skimming the list of spells to practice moderation with I look for one that will not kill us all if he inevitably overdoes it.

Oh. This will do nicely.

I put my finger on a spell listed on the page Miss Possilbef had handed us look at him. 

“This one.”

His eyes flick down at the description of the spell and then back up at me. **A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss** is a spell intended to animate an object to move away from the caster, however in order to successfully cast it the magician must have at some point felt as if he himself has felt unmoored, and without a home.

It’s cruel for me to have suggested this one to him, I know full well that Simon spent his childhood without moving between childcare facilities but he looks especially pretty today, and sometimes when I goad him into getting angry his cheeks flush in way that is really bloody hot, and in all honesty, I just couldn’t help myself.

Instead of rearing up though, Simon looks as I’ve never seen him before. 

His eyes are hurt and fractured looking and his mouth is sad as he understands the point I’m making. 

Then he shoves back his chair and walks out of the classroom. The rest of the class is no longer paying attention to us but Miss. Possilbelf gives me a long look before going back to help a pair of students on the other side of the classroom. Without fully deciding to I stand up to leave the classroom to follow him.

\--

Simon is standing in the middle of the empty courtyard looking lost.

As I reach him I realize he hasn’t noticed me yet despite the fact that I was walking well within his field of vision.

His arms hang loose at his sides, his shoulders bent with tension, and his eyes are closed.

Though the timing is bad I can’t stop myself from studying his face. By now perhaps I know it as well as my own.

“Snow”

His eyes fly open.

“What.”

“I’m s—”

I stop myself.

I stuff my hands in my pockets and look at my feet and I say something else instead.

“You never cast the spell”

“So?”

“So maybe... It wouldn’ have worked. Maybe you couldn’t have cast it”

It’s not quite an apology but its as much as we’ve ever done. 

When I look up through Simon looks furious.

“Go Away.”

“What? Why”

“Just get away from me”

I can tell he is not about to go off so I don’t really see why he isn’t picking a fight at least.

“What’s wrong?”

“Baz,” he says and the anger in his voice when my name passes his lips bread my heart, “It would have worked. It bloody would have worked. SO now I want you to get away from me because I don’t want to see you right now. 

_Go away_ ”

\--

Sometimes I feel like being in love with Simon Snow is like looking into a star. To see the burning light and beauty, the strength of it will change you forever. It can make you want to move closer and closer to feel the heat on your skin and to know that you are nearer to something that to most people looks like only a shimmering dot in the sky, and to maybe, feel like you are making your mark on something so untouchable.

Sometimes I forget, that when you touch a ball of fire, of course, you will inevitably be burnt.

Sometimes I think, that by now, I am scalded and scarred beyond recognition.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and thoughts are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!


End file.
